How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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