you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
