Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
