he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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