Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
