I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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