If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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