I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
