I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
