The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
