so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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