mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
