in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
