i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
