in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Congratulations! We have a period
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
