just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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