I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
