You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
