Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
