Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Maybe he injected his testicle?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
