I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
