Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
