Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
