Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
