Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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