I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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