I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
