Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just found a bag of teeth...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
