i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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