My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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