bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
