we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
