when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
