that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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