to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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