I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
