I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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