they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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