Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
