So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I am mentally ready for anal.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
