This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
This girl is more easily done than said...
no, he came in my armpit
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
