Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
