grandma shit on top of the toilet
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
