so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Randomize