Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Randomize
