You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
