jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
