About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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