too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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