I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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