I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
