How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
