I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
