we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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